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Quotes.net

The Big Lebowski

Donny: Phone's ringing, Dude.

The Dude: Thank you, Donny.

Maude Lebowski: What do you do for recreation?

The Dude: Oh, the usual. I bowl. Drive around. The occasional acid flashback.

The Dude: That's a great plan, Walter. That's f***in' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss f***in' watch.

Maude Lebowski: You can imagine where it goes from here.

The Dude: He fixes the cable?

Maude Lebowski: Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

The Dude: F*** sympathy! I don't need your f***in' sympathy, man, I need my f***ing johnson!

Donny: What do you need that for, Dude?

The Dude: God damn you Walter! You f***in' a**hole! Everything's a f***in' travesty with you, man! And what was all that sh*t about Vietnam? What the F***, has anything got to do with Vietnam? What the f*** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

The Dude: Yeah, but Walter...

Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish.

Walter Sobchak: I told those f***s down at the league office a thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

Donny: What's Shabbos?

Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't get in a car, I don't ride in a car, I don't pick up the phone, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as sh*t

Walter Sobchak: DONT F***ING ROLL! SHOMER SHABBOS!

Walter Sobchak: I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...

The Dude: Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even f***ing Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak: What the f*** are you talkin' about?

The Dude: Man, you're f***ing Polish Catholic...

Walter Sobchak: What the f*** are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Walter Sobchak: And you know this!

The Dude: Yeah, and five f***ing years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak: So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?

The Dude: It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her f***ing dog. Going to her f***ing synagogue. You're living in the f***ing past.

Walter Sobchak: Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...

Walter Sobchak: You're goddamn right I'm living in the f***ing past!

Walter Sobchak: Nihilists! F*** me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

Brandt: Well dude, we just don't know.

The Dude: Look, just stay away from my f***ing lady friend.

Da Fino, Private Snoop: Hey, I'm not messing with your special lady.

The Dude: She's not my special lady, she's my f***ing lady friend. I'm just helping her conceive.

The Dude: Well, they finally did it. They killed my f***ing car.

Nihilist: Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.

Nihilist #2: Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.

Nihilist #3: Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.

The Dude: You don't HAVE the f***ing girl, dipshits! We know you never did!

Donny: Are these the Nazis, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Nihilist: Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve f*** you up.

Walter Sobchak: F*** you. F*** the three of you.

The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter.

Walter Sobchak: No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the f***ing rules.

Nihilist #2: His girlfriend gave up her toe!

Nihilist #3: She though we'd be getting million dollars!

Nihilist #2: Iss not fair!

Walter Sobchak: Fair! WHO'S THE F***ING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF F***ING CRYBABIES?

The Dude: Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man.

Walter Sobchak: And, I would like my undies back.

Donny: Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: No, Donny. These men are cowards.

Nihilist: Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.

Walter Sobchak: F*** you.

The Dude: Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the f*** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the f*** are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.

Donny: What the f*** is he talking about?

The Dude: My rug.

Walter Sobchak: Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!

The Dude: Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the f*** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: What the f*** are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

The Dude: Jeez, Walter, I'm not talking about the guys who built the f***ing railroad here.

The Dude: Who the f*** are the Kanutzsins?

Walter Sobchak: Shut the f*** up, Donny.

The Dude: Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!

The Dude: And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.

Walter Sobchak: You mean... beyond pacifism?

Walter Sobchak: No, Donny, these men are nihilists. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Jesus Quintana: What's this day of rest sh*t? What's this bullshit? I don't f***in' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the f***s in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man - ha ha! I would have f***ed you in the ass Saturday. I f*** you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!

Walter Sobchak: F***ing dipshit with a nine toed woman.

The Dude: F***in' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.

Walter Sobchak: Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

The Dude: Yeah.

Walter Sobchak: No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

The Dude: Oh!

Walter Sobchak: When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

Donny: What's a... pederast, Walter?

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be f***ed man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna f*** you up.

The Dude: Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy sh*t with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the f***ing trigger 'til it goes "click."

The Dude: Jesus.

Jesus Quintana: You said it man. Nobody f***s with the Jesus.

Walter Sobchak: Eight year-olds, Dude.

The Dude: What's in the f***in' carrier?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.

The Dude: You brought the f***in' Pomeranian bowling?

Walter Sobchak: What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a f***ing beer. He's not taking your f***ing turn, Dude.

The Dude: Man, if my f***in' ex-wife asked me to take care of her f***in' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go f*** herself.

Walter Sobchak: F*** it Dude, Let's go bowling.

The Dude: She's not my special lady friend, man. I'm just helping her conceive.

Nihilist #3: I f*** you in the ass, I f*** you in the ass, I f*** you, I f*** you, I f*** you, I f***...

The Dude: I mean we totally f***ed it up man, we f***ed up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?

Walter Sobchak: Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic -

The Dude: No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a f***-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't f***ing want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a sh*t about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The a**hole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!

Walter Sobchak: Do you see what happens, Larry? Do you see what happens when you f*** a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak: You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!

The Dude: F*** the tournament... F*** YOU, Walter!

Walter Sobchak: F*** the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be consoled here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.

The Dude: Jesus, man, could you change the channel?

Cab Driver: F*** you man. If you don't like my f***in' music get your own f***in' cab!

The Dude: I had a rough...

Cab Driver: I pull over and kick your ass out!

The Dude: Come on, man. I had a rough night and I hate the f***in' Eagles, man!

Tony the Chauffeur: So he says "My wife's a pain in the ass. She's always busting my friggin' agates. My daughter's married to a real loser bastard. And I got a rash so bad on my ass, I can't even sit down. But you know me. I can't complain."

The Dude: F***in' A, man. I got a rash, man.

The Dude: Nobody calls me Lebowski. You got the wrong guy. I'm the Dude, man.

Blond Treehorn Thug: Your name's Lebowski, Lebowski. Your wife is Bunny.

The Dude: My... my wi-, my wife, Bunny? Do you see a wedding ring on my finger? Does this place look like I'm f***ing married? The toilet seat's up, man!

Walter Sobchak: F***ing Germans. Nothing changes. F***ing Nazis.

Donny: They were Nazis, Dude?

Walter Sobchak: Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration!

Brandt: Mr. Lebowski is prepared to make a generous offer to you to act as courier, once we get instructions for the money.

The Dude: Why me, man?

Brandt: He believes the culprits might be the very people who, uh, soiled your rug, and you are in a unique position to confirm or disconfirm that suspicion.

The Dude: He thinks the carpet pissers did this?

The Dude: Yeah, well. The Dude abides.

The Stranger: The Dude abides. I don't know about you but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

The Stranger: I guess that's the way the whole durned human comedy keeps perpetuatin' itself.

The Dude: Did you ever hear of "The Seattle Seven"?

Maude Lebowski: Mmm.

The Dude: That was me... and six other guys.

Walter Sobchak: He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...

The Dude: The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.

Walter Sobchak: Near the In-and-Out Burger...

Donny: Those are good burgers, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Those rich f***s! This whole f***ing thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this f***ing strumpet...

The Dude: I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.

Walter Sobchak: Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude: Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

The Stranger: There's just one thing, Dude.

The Dude: And what's that?

The Stranger: Do you have to use so many cuss words?

The Dude: What the f*** you talking about?

The Stranger: Okay, Dude. Have it your way.

Walter Sobchak: I told that Kraut a f***in' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

The Dude: Fortunately, I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug, uh, regimen to keep my mind, you know, uh, limber.

The Dude: Well, I still jerk off manually.

The Dude: It's like what Lenin said... you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh...

Donny: I am the walrus.

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say...

Walter Sobchak: That f***ing b*tch...

Walter Sobchak: shut the f*** up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Illanich Uleninov!

The Big Lebowski: Isn't that what makes a man?

The Dude: Mmm, sure. That and a pair of testicles.

Bunny Lebowski: I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: Ah hahahahaha! Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though, or he has to pay a hundred.

Brandt: Ah haha. That's marvelous.

The Dude: Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

Maude Lebowski: Does the female form make you uncomfortable, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Uh, is that what this is a picture of?

Maude Lebowski: In a sense, yes. My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.

The Dude: Oh yeah?

Maude Lebowski: Yes, they don't like hearing it and find it difficult to say whereas without batting an eye a man will refer to his dick or his rod or his Johnson.

The Dude: Johnson?

Maude Lebowski: Do you like sex, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: 'Scuse me?

Maude Lebowski: Sex. The physical act of love. Coitus. Do you like it?

The Dude: I was talking about my rug.

Maude Lebowski: You're not interested in sex?

The Dude: You mean coitus?

Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?

The Dude: Walter...

Donny: What?

Walter Sobchak: Were you listening to The Dude's story?

Donny: I was bowling.

Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...

The Dude: (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?

Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no f***ing reason why these two...

Donny: Yeah, Walter, what's your point?

The Dude: I dropped off the money exactly as per... look, man, I've got certain information, all right? Certain things have come to light. And, you know, has it ever occurred to you, that, instead of, uh, you know, running around, uh, uh, blaming me, you know, given the nature of all this new sh*t, you know, I-I-I-I... this could be a-a-a-a lot more, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, complex, I mean, it's not just, it might not be just such a simple... uh, you know?

The Big Lebowski: What in God's holy name are you blathering about?

The Dude: What I'm blathering about - new sh*t has come to light, man. She owes money all over town, including to known pornographers, and that's cool... that's cool, and of course they're going to say that they didn't get the money, because... she wants more, man! She's got to feed the monkey...

Walter Sobchak: OVER THE LINE!

Smokey: Huh?

Walter Sobchak: I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.

Smokey: Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak: Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.

Smokey: Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak: Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

The Dude: Oh, Jesus, what's that smell, man?

Auto Circus Cop: Yes, probably a vagrant slept in the car. Or maybe just used it as a toilet and moved on.

Walter Sobchak: The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy f***in' adversary.

Donny: Who's in pajamas Walter?

The Dude: You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were f***in' glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. You'd just met me... You human paraquat! You figured 'Oh, here's a loser. A deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a sh*t about.

The Big Lebowski: Well, aren't you?

The Dude: Well... yeah.

The Stranger: Darkness warshed over the Dude - darker'n a black steer's tookus on a moonless prairie night. There was no bottom.

The Dude: Do you find them much, these, stolen cars?

Younger Cop: Sometimes. Wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck though.

Older Cop: Or the Creedence.

Walter Sobchak: Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.

The Dude: What about the toe?

Walter Sobchak: Forget about the f***ing toe!

Coffee Shop Waitress: Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.

Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

Blond Treehorn Thug: Where's the money, Lebowski? Where's the f***ing money, shithead?

The Dude: It's uh... uh... it's down there somewhere, let me take another look.

The Dude: Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not "Mr. Lebowski". You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing.

Walter Sobchak: Am I wrong?

The Dude: No you're not wrong.

The Dude: You're not wrong Walter. You're just an a**hole.

Walter Sobchak: All right then.

The Dude: My only hope is that the big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.

Walter Sobchak: And look at it this way Dude, who's got a million f***ing dollars in their trunk? Huh?

The Dude: Their trunk?

Walter Sobchak: Who's got a million f***ing dollars in their f***ing car? And whadda they got? My dirty undies... my f***ing whites...

Walter Sobchak: Dude, where is your car?

The Dude: F***...

Walter Sobchak: It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.

The Dude: You f***ing know its been stolen.

Donny: Who's got your undies Walter?

Nihilist: We believe in nothing, Lebowski. Nothing. And tomorrow we come back and we cut off your chonson.

The Dude: Excuse me?

Nihilist: I said

Nihilist: "We'll cut off your johnson"!

Nihilist: Just you think about that, Lebowski.

Nihilist: Yeah, your wiggly penis, Lebowski.

Nihilist: Yeah and maybe we stomp on it and squoosh it, Lebowski.

The Dude: Oh boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.

Walter Sobchak: Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

Malibu Police Chief: Keep your ugly f***in' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community.

Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude, they peed on your f***ing rug.

Walter Sobchak: Lets not forget Dude that keeping wildlife, um... an amphibious rodent, for... um, ya know domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.

The Big Lebowski: Are you employed, sir?

The Dude: Employed?

The Big Lebowski: You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?

The Dude: Is this a... what day is this?

The Big Lebowski: Well, I do work sir, so if you don't mind...

The Dude: I do mind, the Dude minds. This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man.

The Dude: Hey, nice marmot!

Bunny Lebowski: Blow on them.

The Dude: You want me to blow on your toes?

Bunny Lebowski: I can't blow that far.

The Dude: Are you sure he won't mind?

Bunny Lebowski: Ulli doesn't care about anything. He's a Nihilist.

The Dude: Ah. Must be exhausting.

The Dude: This is the f***in' guy! I can find this f***in' Lebowski guy!

Donny: His name's Lebowski? That's your name, Dude!

The Dude: Yes, Walter, I think there is a hidden message here. It's "F*** YOU, WALTER, LEAVE ME THE F*** ALONE!" Yeah, I'll see you at practice on Wednesday.

The Dude: Who are you, anyway?

Knox Harrington: Oh, just a friend of Maudie's.

The Dude: A friend with a cleft a**hole?

Maude Lebowski: Uli Hauff? Her Co-Star in The Beaver Picture?

The Dude: Beaver? Uhhhh, you mean vagina...? WAIT! You know this guy?

Maude Lebowski: Oh, I might have introduced him for all I know.

Maude Lebowski: You remember Uli?

Knox Harrington: Yahhhmmm.

Walter Sobchak: Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabozoz, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

The Dude: At least I'm housebroken.

The Dude: I'm sorry your stepmother is a nympho.

The Dude: Walter, I love you, but sooner or later, you're going to have to realize the fact that you're a god damn moron.

The Big Lebowski: Start talking and talk fast you lousy bum.

Brandt: We've been frantically trying to reach you, Dude.

The Dude: Just take it easy man.

Walter Sobchak: I'm perfectly calm Dude.

The Dude: shouting Yeah, waving the f*cking gun around?

Walter Sobchak: Calmer than you are.

The Dude: Will you just take it easy?

The Dude: Ah, f*** it.

The Big Lebowski: F*** it! Yes! That's your answer for everything! Tattoo it on your forehead!

The Dude: Oh, f*** me, man! That kid already spent all the money!

Walter Sobchak: New Corvette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.

Walter Sobchak: Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of sh*t.

The Dude: I could be just sitting at home with pee stains on my rug.

Walter Sobchak: GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!

The Dude: I only said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's so f***ing certain!

Walter Sobchak: That's right, Dude. 100% certain.

The Dude: Look, nothing is f***ed, here, man.

The Big Lebowski: Nothing is f***ed?

The Big Lebowski: The god damn plane has crashed into the mountain!

Walter Sobchak: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off.

Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Look, man...

Walter Sobchak: Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Just ask him about the car.

Walter Sobchak: Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: Is that your car out front?

Walter Sobchak: Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude: We know it's his f***ing homework! Where's the f***ing money, you little brat?

Walter Sobchak: Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

The Dude: Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...

Walter Sobchak: You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

The Dude: And the f***ing money.

Walter Sobchak: And the f***ing money. And, we know that this is your homework.

The Dude: We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.

Walter Sobchak: You're killing your father, Larry!

Maude Lebowski: My father's weakness is vanity, hence the slut.

Walter Sobchak: That's not her toe, Dude.

The Dude: Then whose toe is it, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: How the f*** should I know?

Walter Sobchak: What?

The Dude: What the f*** does Vietnam have to do with anything?

The Dude: On you maybe.

Malibu Police Chief: Stay outta Malibu, Lebowski!

The Big Lebowski: Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. My advice is to do what your parents did; get a job, sir. The bums will always lose. Do you hear me, Lebowski?

The Big Lebowski: The bums will always lose!

Brandt: How was your meeting, Mr. Lebowski?

The Dude: Okay. The old man told me to take any rug in the house.

Da Fino, Private Snoop: I'm a Brother Seamus!

The Dude: A Brother Seamus? What... like an Irish monk?

Da Fino, Private Snoop: ...What the f*** are you talking about?

The Dude: Yeah, I know what you mean, f*** off Da Fino.

The Dude: This is a private residence, man!

Maude Lebowski: Now, what happened to your face? Did Jackie Treehorn do that as well?

The Dude: Ah, no that was the chief of police of Malibu. A real reactionary.

The Dude: Ow! F***ing fascist!

The Dude: Your money is being held by a kid named Larry Sellers. Real f***ing brat, but I'm sure your goons can get it off him. I mean, he's fifteen.

The Dude: Flunking social studies.

Da Fino, Private Snoop: Let me tell ya something: I dig your work. Playing one side against the other, in bed with everybody. Just fabulous stuff.

The Dude: So if you could just write me a check for ten percent of a million dollars... five grand...

Walter Sobchak: You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

The Big Lebowski: I just want to understand this, sir. Every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the owner?

The Stranger: Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well, he eats you.

The Dude: By the way, do you think that you could give me that $20,000 in cash? My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax bracket.

You're not wrong Walter, you're just an a**hole.

"Eight year olds Dude"

The Dude: ..Yeah, man, it really tied the room together.

Walter Sobchak: This was a valued, uh …

Donny: [Donny takes a seat] What tied the room together, Dude?

The Dude: Walter …

Walter Sobchak: So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know -

The Dude: Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?

Walter Sobchak: There's no reason - Here's my point, Dude. There's no f***ing reason why these two -

Walter Sobchak: Huh?

The Dude: Walter, what is the poin-? Look, we all know who is at fault here - what the f*** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: Huh? No, what the f*** are you … ! I'm not … we're talking about unchecked aggression here, Dude.

The Dude: Look, Walter - Walter, the Chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the f*** are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak: What the f*** are you talking about? The Chinaman is not the issue here, Dude! I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you do not... Also, Dude, "Chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. "Asian-American," please.

The Dude: Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...

Walter Sobchak: What the f*** are you...?

The Dude: Walter, he peed on my rug!

Donny: He peed on the Dude's rug.

Walter Sobchak: Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the Chinaman is not the issue here!

The Dude: Then who...?

Walter Sobchak: Jeff Lebowski, the other Jeffery Lebowski. The millionaire!

The Dude: That's f***ing interesting, man. That's f***ing interesting.

Walter Sobchak: Plus, he has the wealth, obviously, and the resources. So that there's no reason - there's no F***ING reason - why his wife should go out and owe money all over town, and then they come, and they pee on your f***ing rug! Am I wrong?

Brandt: Uh, our guest needs to be going now, Mrs. Lebowski.

The Dude: (realizes) Ohh, you're Bunny.

Bunny Lebowski: [takes off her sunglasses] I'll suck your cock for a thousand dollars.

Brandt: Ah-hahahahaha! Ah - Wonderful woman. We're all, we're all very fond of her. Very free-spirited.

Bunny Lebowski: Brandt can't watch, though - or he has to pay a hundred.

Brandt: Ah-haha. That's marvelous.

The Dude: [Dude turns his head back as Brandt escorts him away] ..Uh, I'm just gonna go find a cash machine.

Walter Sobchak: F***ing dog has f***ing papers—OVER THE LINE!

The Dude: Hey, Walter, c'mon, it's just - Hey man, it's Smokey. So his toe slipped over a little, you know, it's just a game, man.

Walter Sobchak: This is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong?

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't...

Walter Sobchak: [turns to Smokey] Am I wrong?

Smokey: Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking an 8.

Walter Sobchak: Smokey, my friend, [pulls out an M1911A1 pistol] you're entering a world of pain.

The Dude: Walter, man...

Walter Sobchak: You mark that frame an 8, you're entering a world of pain.

Smokey: I'm not...

Walter Sobchak: A world of pain.

Smokey: Look, Dude, I - This is your partner...

Walter Sobchak: (shouting) Has the whole world gone CRAZY?! [stands up] AM I THE ONLY ONE AROUND HERE WHO GIVES A SH*T ABOUT THE RULES?! MARK IT ZERO!

The Dude: They're calling the cops, man. Put the piece away. [Walter's dog barks repeatedly]

Walter Sobchak: MARK IT ZERO! [points gun in Smokey's face]

The Dude: Walter, put the piece away …

Smokey: Walter...?

Walter Sobchak: (shouting) YOU THINK I'M F***ING AROUND HERE?! [racks slide on pistol] MARK IT ZERO! [Walter's dog stops barking]

Smokey: [shivers a second, then marks the card] All right, it's f***ing zero. Are you happy, you crazy f***?

Walter Sobchak: [calmly lowers and unloads gun] It's a league game, Smokey.

Walter Sobchak: You mean … beyond pacifism?

The Dude: She probably kidnapped herself.

Donny: What do you mean, Dude?

The Dude: Rug Peers did not do this - Look at it! A young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money.. she figures he isn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town...

Walter Sobchak: That f***ing b*tch.

The Dude: It's all a goddamn fake, man! It's like Lenin said: You look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...

Donny: "I am the walrus"?

The Dude: You know what I'm trying to say?

Donny: "I am the walrus".

Walter Sobchak: That f***ing b*tch!

The Dude: Oh yeah!

Walter Sobchak: That's ex-- Shut the f*** up, Donny! V.I. Lenin! Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Walter Sobchak: F***in' exactly what happened to those... That makes me f***in' sick!

The Dude: Well, what do you care, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Those rich fucks! This whole f***in' thing! I did not watch my buddies die face-down in the muck so this f***in' strumpet, this f***in' whore could waltz around town-

The Dude: Walter, Walter - I don't see any connection to Vietnam, man.

Walter Sobchak: Well it isn't a literal connection, Dude..

The Dude: Walter, face it - There isn't any connection. Your roll.

Walter Sobchak: Have it your way, but my point -

The Dude: Your roll.

Walter Sobchak: My point is -

Jesus Quintana: Are you ready to be f***ed, man? [Dude, Walter and Donny turn as Jesus approaches] I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna f*** you up!

The Dude: Yeah... well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana: Let me tell you something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy sh*t with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you and stick it up your ass and pull the f***ing trigger 'til it goes "click".

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with The Jesus. [leaves]

Walter Sobchak: … [turns to Dude] Eight year olds, Dude.

[Dude and Walter sit in a diner as Dude shows Walter the severed toe]

Walter Sobchak: [laughs] That wasn't her toe, Dude.

The Dude: Whose toe was it, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: How the f*** should I know? I do know that nothing about it indicates...

The Dude: The nail polish, Walter!

Walter Sobchak: Fine, Dude. As if it's impossible to take some nail polish, apply it to someone else's toe...

The Dude: Someone else's?

Walter Sobchak: Pinking shears... [imitates snipping]

The Dude: Where the f*** are they gonna...

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe. Believe me. There are ways, Dude - you don't wanna know about it, believe me.

Walter Sobchak: Hell, I can get you a toe by 3:00 this afternoon, with nail polish. These f***ing amateurs! (chuckles) They send us a toe, we're supposed to sh*t ourselves with fear. Jesus Christ!

Walter Sobchak: Now the point is...

The Dude: They're gonna kill her, Walter, and then they're gonna kill me.

Walter Sobchak: Dude... That's... That's just the stress talkin', man. Now so far, we have, what appears to me, to be a series of victimless crimes...

The Dude: What about the toe?!

Walter Sobchak: [slams fist on counter] FORGET ABOUT THE F***ING TOE!

Waitress at diner: [approaches Walter and Dude] Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.

Walter Sobchak: Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!

The Dude: Walter, this is not a First Amendment thing, man.

Waitress at diner: Sir, if you don't calm down, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Walter Sobchak: Lady, I got buddies who died face-down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

The Dude: Alright, I'm outta here [drops money and (inadvertently) a joint on counter, subtly picks up the joint]

Walter Sobchak: [talking to Dude as he leaves] Oh come on, Dude... Don't walk away, man! C'mon, this affects all of us, man! Our basic freedoms! [to the waitress I'm stayin'. I'm finishing my coffee. [the waitress and the diner patrons look at him in disbelief] Enjoying my coffee.

[The Dude is riding home in a cab; "Peaceful, Easy Feeling" by the Eagles is playing on the radio]

The Dude: Jesus, man, can you change the channel?

Cab Driver: F*** you, man! If you don't like my f***ing music, get your own f***ing cab!

The Dude: I had a really rough...

Cab Driver: I'll pull to the side and kick your ass out.

The Dude: Man, come on, I had a rough night, and I hate the f***ing Eagles, man.

Cab Driver: [pulls over and kicks the Dude out of his cab] Out of my f***ing cab! Out!

The Dude: Man! Man, hey! [the cab driver drives off]

Donny: [Runs over to Walter and Dude] They posted the next round for the tournament!

Walter Sobchak: Donny, shut the f— When do we play?

Donny: This Saturday. Quintana and—

Walter Sobchak: Saturday? Well, they'll have to reschedule.

The Dude: Walter, what am I gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak: I told that f*** down at the league office … Who's in charge of scheduling?

Donny: Burkhalter.

Walter Sobchak: I told that kraut a f***ing thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

Donny: They already posted it.

Walter Sobchak: WELL, THEY CAN F***ING UNPOST IT!

The Dude: Who gives a sh*t?! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak: C'mon, Dude - Uh, eventually she'll get tired of her little game and, you know, wander on back.

Donny: How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: I'm Shomer Shabbos.

Donny: What's that, Walter?

The Dude: Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?!

Walter Sobchak: Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't f***ing ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as sh*t DON'T F***ING ROLL!

Donny: Sheesh.

Walter Sobchak: SHOMER SHABBOS!

The Dude: Walter, how am I going to—

Walter Sobchak: Shomer f***ing Shabbos.

The Dude: Oh, f***! That's it, I'm outta here.

Walter Sobchak: Come on, Dude … [rolls his eyes at Donny] (mouths) What a f***ing baby …

[Donny nods]

Walter Sobchak: (talking to The Dude) We're gonna see some tank battles.. Fighting in desert is very different from fighting in canopy jungle. I mean that was a foot-soldier's war - Whereas this thing here should, uh.. y'know - Should be a piece of cake. I mean, I had an M16 Jacko, not an Abrams f***ing tank. Me and Charlie - eyeball to eyeball. That's f***ing combat. The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy f***in' adversary.

Donny: Who was in pajamas, Walter?

Walter Sobchak: Shut the f*** up, Donny. ..Whereas what we have here.. Bunch of fig-eaters wearin' towels on their head tryin' to find reverse on a Soviet tank - This.. this is not a worthy f***in' adversary..

Jesus Quintana: HEY! [He and his partner appear in front of Dude, Walter, and Donny] What's this "day of rest" sh*t?! What's this BULLSHIT?! I don't f***in' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush-league psych out stuff. Laughable, man – HA HA! I would have f***ed you in the ass Saturday. I f*** you in the ass next Wednesday instead. WOOO! You got a date Wednesday, baby! [walks away with his partner]

Walter Sobchak: …He's crackin'.

The Dude: Well, take care, man, gotta get back.

The Stranger: Sure. Take it easy, Dude.

The Stranger: I know that you will.

The Dude: Yeah, well - The Dude abides.

The Stranger: "The Dude abides." I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there. The Dude. Takin' 'er easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals.

The Dude: Get out of that car! Get the f*** out of the car, man. Get out of the fu-- [Da Fino steps out of the car] Who the f*** are you?!

Da Fino: Easy man, relax. No physical harm intended.

The Dude: Who the f*** are you, man?

Da Fino: Ok man, i'm..okay

The Dude: Why are you following me around? Come on fuckhead!

Da Fino: Hey, relax man. I'm a Brother Shamus.

The Dude: Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk?

Da Fino: What the f*** are you talking about? My name's Da Fino. I'm a private snoop. Like you, man.

The Dude: I'm not-- Just stay away from my special lady friend.

Da Fino: Hey hey, i'm not messing with your special lady.

The Dude: She's not my special lady. She's my f***ing lady friend-- I'm just trying to help her conceive, man.

Da Fino: Hey man, i'm not tryin to--

The Dude: Who're you working for? Lebowski? Jackie Treehorn?

Da Fino: The Knutsens.

The Dude: The?-- Who the f*** are the Knutsens?

Da Fino: The Knutsens. It's a wandering daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man. Her real name is Fawn Knutsen, she ran away from home. Her parents want her back. [Shows Dude a picture of Fawn] See. Crazy, huh? Ran away about a year ago. The Knutsens told me I should show her this when I found her. It's the family farm. It's outside of Moorhead, Minnesota. They think it'll make her homesick.

The Dude: Jesus f***ing Christ. She's been kidnapped Da Fino.

Da Fino: That's terrible.

The Dude: Well maybe not, but she's definitely not around.

Da Fino: Hey, uh, phfff, maybe you and me could pool our resources, trade information... a professional courtesy...compeers, you know what i mean.

The Dude: Yeah yeah, I get it. F*** off, Da Fino. And stay away from my special--from my f***ing lady friend man.

The Dude: well, that’s just.... like... your opinion, man.

Walter: is this your homework, Larry?!

(Repeated line)

Shut the f*** up, Donnie.

Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski: Well, you know, the Dude abides.

Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski: Obviously, you're not a golfer.

Walter Sobchak: Here you go, Larry. You see what happens? You see what happens, Larry?! See what happens?! [The Dude: Oh, great...] This is what happens when you f*** a stranger in the ass, Larry! [Proceeds to smash up what he wrongly believes is Larry's new Corvette] This is what happens, Larry! You see what happens, Larry?! Do you see what happens when you f*** a stranger in the ass, this is what happens! You see what happens, Larry?! You see what happens, Larry?! Do you see what happens, Larry, when you f*** a stranger in the ass?! This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens, Larry!

Walter Sobchak: That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

Walter Sobchak: Language problem here. Little prick stonewalling me...!

Walter Sobchak: Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

Walter Sobchak: You're (or You are) entering a world of pain!

Walter Sobchak: You want a toe? I can get you a toe.

Walter Sobchak: Who am I? I'm a f***ing veteran that's who I am!

Jesus Quintana: You ready to be f***ed, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna f*** you up.

Jesus Quintana: You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

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The Big Lebowski's TV Edit Contains The Greatest (And Strangest) Censorship Moment Of All Time

Big Lebowski John Goodman Jeff Bridges

There is one movie scene that always makes me cry with laughter. In Joel and Ethan Coen's "The Big Lebowski," when the Dude (Jeff Bridges) and Walter (John Goodman) confront teenage Larry Sellers (Jesse Flanagan), who stole the Dude's car and the briefcase full of money in it (or so they think). When the Dude recovers his car, he finds Larry's crumpled-up homework at the scene of the crime.

After a failed interrogation by Walter ("Is this your homework Larry?") where Larry stays silent and stone-faced, Walter goes to "Plan B." He takes a crowbar and smashes a red sports car parked outside Larry's house, declaring "You see what happens, Larry?! This is what happens you f*** a stranger in the ass!" Only problem? It turns out the car isn't Larry's.

The scene belongs to Goodman and he runs away with it. His progressively more agitated delivery is pitch-perfect, from his early calm ("Larry, have you ever heard of Vietnam?") to his eventual screaming. The physical comedy of the scene is just as vital, from the way Walter speed-walks to get the crowbar (you can tell he's been waiting to do this) to how he suddenly recoils when the car's real owner confronts him.

When "The Big Lebowski" aired on Comedy Central, it was a censored version, and for a good reason: the film's dialogue is far too vulgar to pass FCC regulations. The altered dialogue of the scene mentioned above is just as memorable as the real thing, but for a totally different reason. When the scene comes, the dialogue isn't merely bleeped out, but swapped for a clean ADR version. The new dialogue adds an uncanny, downright surreal quality to the scene.

'You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!'

The censored scene proceeds the same until Walter's big declaration. Now he says, "You see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!" Next, he says, "This is what happens when you feed a stoner scrambled eggs!" A third censored line almost comes, "This is what happens when you fool a stranger-" but he gets cut off. 

This censorship is infamous — it even inspired the title of Phoebe Bridgers' debut album! "Find a stranger in the alps" is pure nonsense and doesn't convey anything close to the intended meaning. As such, "The Big Lebowski" is often held up as one of the worst (though funniest) examples of censorship damaging classic movies.

In 2013, Cracked.com called the censored dialogue, "the most nonsensical stream of synapse misfires in the history of epilepsy. We can't even begin to fathom what Superstation employee wrote the new dialogue, let alone the unfortunate event that forced him to rush home for the day without double-checking it for crazy stupidness."

However, there are rumors that the Coens themselves wrote the censored dialogue, making the whole thing a joke the filmmakers were in on. "Find a stranger in the alps" does phonetically match "f*** a stranger in the ass," and the Coens are exacting masters of dialogue, after all . This explains why Comedy Central went with such inexplicable nonsense (seriously, no one considered subbing in "Kick a stranger in the ass?"). The fact there's more than one nonsense phrase, not just one repeated, is also indicative of someone having fun devising such ridiculous turns of phrase.

If these rumors are true, then the Coens took onerous restrictions, created something memorable from them, and implicitly mocked those very same restrictions. Now that's talent.

Clip of quote: Is this your homework, Larry?

The Big Lebowski

  • Is This Your Homework?

About The Big Lebowski

  • Released in 1998
  • Directed by Joel Cohen, Ethan Cohen
  • Produced by Polygram Filmed Entertainment

The Big Lebowski Scenes

  • There Was This Fellah
  • Ever Thus to Deadbeats
  • That's Your Name, Dude
  • Not Literally His Children
  • I'm a Lebowski, You're a Lebowksi
  • Blow On Them
  • Over the Line
  • Calmer Than You Are
  • Tomorrow's Already the Tenth
  • That's a Bummer, Man
  • Dios Mio, Man
  • Her Life is In Your Hands
  • Let's Take That Hill
  • Shomer Fucking Shabbas
  • Separate Incidents?
  • The Story is Ludicrous
  • I Got a Rash
  • The Royal We
  • Forget About the Fucking Toe
  • Nice Marmot
  • They Got Us Working in Shifts
  • I Need My Fucking Johnson
  • A Lot of Ins, a Lot of Outs
  • She Hit Me Right Here
  • Bulk of the Series
  • You're Not Dealing With Morons
  • Did the Pope Shit in the Woods
  • Fucking Fascist
  • I Hate the Fucking Eagles
  • Speed of Sound Tour
  • Erev Shabbas
  • Like an Irish Monk?
  • Lingonberry Pancakes
  • From Moses to Sandy Koufax
  • I'm a Fucking Veteran
  • Bush League Psycheout Stuff
  • They Killed My Fucking Car
  • Goodnight, Sweet Prince
  • The Dude Abides

Characters in This Scene

is this your homework larry

Jeffrey Lebowski

is this your homework larry

Walter Sobchak

is this your homework larry

Is this your homework Larry

Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry? Look, man... Dude, please? Is...

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Clip duration: 36 seconds Views: 332 Timestamp in movie: 01h 11m 05s Uploaded: 16 March, 2022 Genres: comedy , crime Summary: Ultimate L.A. slacker Jeff "The Dude" Lebowski, mistaken for a millionaire of the same name, seeks restitution for a rug ruined by debt collectors, enlisting his bowling buddies for help while trying to find the millionaire's miss...

Do you like sex Mr Lebowski - The Big Lebowski

The Big Lebowski

is this your homework larry

The Big Lebowski is a 1998 film about an amiable unemployed slacker, The Dude, and his close friends, all fond of their nights at the local bowling alley, who are drawn into a Chandleresque plot involving the missing younger wife of a millionaire namesake. The film has given rise to a non-traditional religious philosophy based on it and Taoism known as Dudeism .

  • 1 Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski
  • 2 Walter Sobchak
  • 3 Jesus Quintana
  • 6 Quotes about The Big Lebowski
  • 8 External links

Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski [ edit ]

is this your homework larry

  • Well, sir, it's this rug I had. It really tied the room together.
  • Look, let me explain something to you. I'm not Mr. Lebowski. You're Mr. Lebowski. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or His Dudeness … Duder … or El Duderino, if you're not into the whole brevity thing.
  • This aggression will not stand, man.
  • This is a very complicated case, Maude. You know, a lotta ins, lotta outs, lotta what-have-you's. And, uh, lotta strands to keep in my head, man. Lotta strands in old Duder's head. Luckily I'm adhering to a pretty strict, uh, drug regimen to keep my mind, you know, limber.
  • Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
  • Careful, man, there's a beverage here!
  • Oh boy, how you gonna keep 'em down on the farm once they've seen Karl Hungus.
  • Yeah, well, the Dude abides.
  • Obviously, you're not a golfer.
  • Who the fuck are the Knutsens?
  • Oh, nice marmot.

Walter Sobchak [ edit ]

  • I'm perfectly calm, Dude.
  • Nihilists ! ..Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism , Dude, at least it's an ethos .
  • Censored dub for television: "Here you go, Larry. You see what happens? You see what happens, Larry?! See what happens?! [The Dude: Oh, great...] This is what happens, Larry! See what happens, Larry?! See what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps ?! This is what happens! See what happens, Larry?! You see what happens, Larry?! This is what happens when you feed a stoner scrambled eggs! "
  • That rug really tied the room together, did it not?
  • Eh, fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.
  • Life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit!
  • Shut the fuck up, Donny.
  • Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!
  • Is this your homework, Larry?
  • Language problem here. Little prick stonewalling me...!
  • Have you ever heard of Vietnam?
  • You're (or You are) entering a world of pain!
  • You want a toe? I can get you a toe.
  • Who am I? I'm a fucking veteran that's who I am!
  • Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

Jesus Quintana [ edit ]

  • HEY! What's this "day of rest" shit?! What's this bullshit?! I don't fuckin' care! It don't matter to Jesus. But you're not foolin' me, man. You might fool the fucks in the league office, but you don't fool Jesus. This bush league psych out stuff. Laughable, man – HA HA! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Wednesday instead. Wooo! You got a date Wednesday, baby!
  • You ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio , man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.
  • Let me tell you something, pendejo . You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."
  • You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

Dialogue [ edit ]

is this your homework larry

Taglines [ edit ]

  • They figured he was a lazy, time-wasting slacker. They were right.
  • Her life was in their hands. Now her toe is in the mail.
  • Times like these call for a Big Lebowski.
  • It takes guys as simple as the Dude and Walter to make a story this complicated … and they'd really rather be bowling.
  • Lebowski: not a man, a way of life.

Quotes about The Big Lebowski [ edit ]

is this your homework larry

  • Oliver Benjamin , on his founding of Dudeism , based on the film, as quoted in "Big Lebowski Spawns Religion" by Yusuf Laher in Don't Panic Online (11 April 2011)
  • Oliver Benjamin , as quoted in "The man who founded a religion based on The Big Lebowski " by Richard S. Ehrlich at CNN (August 2011; updated 20 March, 2013)
  • Roger Ebert , in a review in Chicago Sun-Times (6 March 1998)
  • Cole Smithey, in review of The Big Lebowski (18 July 2011)

Cast [ edit ]

  • Jeff Bridges – Jeffrey Lebowski – "The Dude"
  • John Goodman – Walter Sobchak
  • Julianne Moore – Maude Lebowski
  • Steve Buscemi – Theodore Donald "Donny" Kerabatsos
  • David Huddleston – Jeffrey Lebowski – "The Big Lebowski"
  • Philip Seymour Hoffman – Brandt
  • Tara Reid – "Bunny" Lebowski, AKA Bunny LaJoya, AKA Fawn Knutsen
  • Philip Moon – Woo, AKA "The Chinaman"
  • Mark Pellegrino – Blond
  • Peter Stormare – Nihilist #1, Uli Kunkel, AKA "Karl Hungus"
  • Flea – Nihilist #2, Kieffer
  • Torsten Voges – Nihilist #3, Franz
  • Aimee Mann – Nihilist #4 in pancake diner, Toe Donor
  • John Turturro – Jesus Quintana
  • Dom Irrera – Tony
  • Jon Polito – Da Fino
  • Ben Gazzara – Jackie Treehorn
  • Sam Elliott – The Stranger
  • David Thewlis – Knox Harrington

External links [ edit ]

  • The Big Lebowski quotes at the Internet Movie Database
  • The Big Lebowski at Rotten Tomatoes
  • Screenplay – The Big Lebowski script on Drew's script-o-rama .
  • Dudeism Forum
  • Lebowski Fest

is this your homework larry

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The Big Lebowski (1998)

John goodman: walter sobchak.

  • Photos (23)
  • Quotes (76)

Photos 

Jeff Bridges and John Goodman in The Big Lebowski (1998)

Quotes 

Walter Sobchak : Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.

[repeated line] 

Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny.

Jesus Quintana : Are you ready to be fucked, man? I see you rolled your way into the semis. Dios mio, man. Liam and me, we're gonna fuck you up.

The Dude : Yeah, well, you know, that's just like, uh, your opinion, man.

Jesus Quintana : Let me tell *you* something, pendejo. You pull any of your crazy shit with us, you flash a piece out on the lanes, I'll take it away from you, and stick it up your ass and pull the fucking trigger 'til it goes "click."

The Dude : Jesus.

Jesus Quintana : You said it, man. Nobody fucks with the Jesus.

[walks off] 

Walter Sobchak : Eight-year-olds, Dude.

The Dude : Rug pee-ers did not do this. Look at it: a young trophy wife, marries this guy for his money, she figures he hasn't given her enough, you know, she owes money all over town.

Walter Sobchak : That, fuckin' - bitch...

The Dude : It's all a god damn fake, man. It's like Lenin said: you look for the person who will benefit, and, uh, uh, you know...

Donny : I am the walrus.

The Dude : You know, you'll uh, uh - well, you know what I'm trying' to say...

Walter Sobchak : That fucking bitch!

The Dude : Oh yeah!

Walter Sobchak : Shut the fuck up, Donny! V.I. Lenin. Vladimir Ilyich Ulyanov!

Donny : What the fuck is he talking about?

Walter Sobchak : [shouted repeatedly while smashing a car with a crow bar] 

Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

Walter Sobchak : This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!

[censored version] 

Walter Sobchak : Am I wrong?

The Dude : No you're not wrong.

The Dude : You're not wrong Walter. You're just an asshole.

Walter Sobchak : Okay then.

Walter Sobchak : I'm saying, I see what you're getting at, Dude, he kept the money. My point is, here we are, it's shabbas, the sabbath, which I'm allowed to break only if it's a matter of life or death...

The Dude : Will you come off it, Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talkin' about?

The Dude : Man, you're fucking Polish Catholic...

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia! Come on, Dude!

The Dude : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Walter Sobchak : And you know this!

The Dude : Yeah, and five fucking years ago you were divorced.

Walter Sobchak : So what are you saying? When you get divorced you turn in your library card? You get a new license? You stop being Jewish?

The Dude : It's all a part of your sick Cynthia thing, man. Taking care of her fucking dog. Going to her fucking synagogue. You're living in the fucking past.

Walter Sobchak : Three thousand years of beautiful tradition, from Moses to Sandy Koufax...

[shouting] 

Walter Sobchak : YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT I'M LIVIN' IN THE FUCKIN' PAST!

Walter Sobchak : Fuck it, Dude, let's go bowling.

The Dude : Walter, ya know, it's Smokey, so his toe slipped over the line a little, big deal. It's just a game, man.

Walter Sobchak : Dude, this is a league game, this determines who enters the next round robin. Am I wrong? Am I wrong?

Smokey : Yeah, but I wasn't over. Gimme the marker Dude, I'm marking it 8.

Walter Sobchak : [pulls out a gun]  Smokey, my friend, you are entering a world of pain.

The Dude : Walter...

Walter Sobchak : You mark that frame an 8, and you're entering a world of pain.

Smokey : I'm not...

Walter Sobchak : A world of pain.

Smokey : Dude, he's your partner...

Walter Sobchak : [shouting]  Has the whole world gone crazy? Am I the only one around here who gives a shit about the rules? Mark it zero!

The Dude : They're calling the cops, put the piece away.

Walter Sobchak : Mark it zero!

[points gun in Smokey's face] 

Walter Sobchak : [shouting]  You think I'm fucking around here? Mark it zero!

Smokey : All right, it's fucking zero. Are you happy, you crazy fuck?

Walter Sobchak : ...It's a league game, Smokey.

The Dude : Walter, what is the point? Look, we all know who is at fault here, what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak : Huh? No, what the fuck are you... I'm not... We're talking about unchecked aggression here, dude.

The Dude : My rug.

Walter Sobchak : Forget it, Donny, you're out of your element!

The Dude : Walter, the chinaman who peed on my rug, I can't go give him a bill, so what the fuck are you talking about?

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? The chinaman is not the issue here, Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, "chinaman" is not the preferred nomenclature. Asian-American, please.

The Dude : Walter, this isn't a guy who built the railroads here. This is a guy...

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you...?

The Dude : Walter, he peed on my rug!

Donny : He peed on the Dude's rug.

Walter Sobchak : Donny, you're out of your element! Dude, the chinaman is not the issue here!

The Dude : Walter... what am I going to tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak : I told that fuck down at the league office... who's in charge of scheduling?

Donny : Burkhalter.

Walter Sobchak : I told that kraut a fucking thousand times that I don't roll on Shabbos!

Donny : They already posted it.

Walter Sobchak : Well they can *fucking unpost it*!

The Dude : Who gives a shit! They're gonna kill that poor woman, man! What am I gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak : C'mon Dude, eventually she'll get sick of her little game and, you know, wander on back.

Donny : How come you don't roll on Saturday, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : I'm shomer shabbos.

Donny : What's that?

The Dude : Yeah, and in the meantime, what do I tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak : Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit *don't fucking roll*!

Donny : Sheesh.

Walter Sobchak : Shomer shabbos!

The Dude : Walter, how am I going to...

Walter Sobchak : Shomer fucking shabbos.

The Dude : Oh fuck it. I'm out of here.

Walter Sobchak : Come on, Dude...

[rolls his eyes at Donny] 

Walter Sobchak : Fucking BABY...

[Donny nods] 

Walter Sobchak : He lives in North Hollywood on Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger...

The Dude : The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.

Walter Sobchak : Near the In-and-Out Burger...

Donny : Those are good burgers, Walter.

Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story, Donny?

Donny : What?

Walter Sobchak : Were you listening to The Dude's story?

Donny : I was bowling.

Walter Sobchak : So you have no frame of reference here, Donny. You're like a child who wanders into the middle of a movie and wants to know...

The Dude : (interrupting) Walter, Walter, what's the point, man?

Walter Sobchak : There's no reason - here's my point, dude, there's no fucking reason why these two...

Donny : Yeah, Walter, what's your point?

Walter Sobchak : That rug really tied the room together, did it not?

The Dude : Fuckin' A.

Donny : And this guy peed on it.

Walter Sobchak : Donny, please.

The Dude : What's in the fuckin' carrier?

Walter Sobchak : Huh? Oh, that's Cynthia's dog. I think it's a Pomeranian. I can't leave him home alone or he eats the furniture. I'm watching him while Cynthia and Marty Ackerman are in Hawaii.

The Dude : You brought the fuckin' Pomeranian bowling?

Walter Sobchak : What do you mean brought it bowling, Dude? I didn't rent it shoes. I'm not buying it a fucking beer. He's not taking your fucking turn, Dude.

The Dude : Man, if my fuckin' ex-wife asked me to take care of her fuckin' dog while she and her boyfriend went to Honolulu I'd tell her to go fuck herself.

Walter Sobchak : You want a toe? I can get you a toe, believe me. There are ways, Dude. You don't wanna know about it, believe me.

The Dude : Yeah, but Walter...

Walter Sobchak : Hell, I can get you a toe by 3 o'clock this afternoon... with nail polish. These fucking amateurs...

Walter Sobchak : Lady, I got buddies who died face down in the muck so that you and I could enjoy this family restaurant!

Walter Sobchak : Also, let's not forget - let's *not* forget, Dude - that keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.

The Dude : What are you, a fucking park ranger now?

Walter Sobchak : No, I'm...

The Dude : Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot!

The Dude : Just take it easy man.

Walter Sobchak : I'm perfectly calm Dude.

The Dude : [shouting]  Yeah, waving the fucking gun around?

Walter Sobchak : Calmer than you are.

The Dude : Will you just take it easy?

Walter Sobchak : Donny was a good bowler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors... and bowling, and as a surfer he explored the beaches of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and... up to... Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Donny. Donny, who loved bowling. And so, Theodore Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

[the Dude, Walter, and Donny walk out of the bowling alley, to find the three Nihilists waiting in front of the Dude's car, which has been torched] 

The Dude : Well, they finally did it. They killed my fucking car.

Nihilist : Ve vant ze money, Lebowski.

Nihilist #2 : Ja, uzzervize ve kill ze girl.

Nihilist #3 : Ja, it seems you have forgotten our little deal, Lebowski.

The Dude : You don't HAVE the fucking girl, dipshits! We know you never did!

[the Nihilists, stunned, confer amongst themselves in German] 

Donny : Are these the Nazis, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of.

Nihilist : Ve don't care. Ve still vant ze money, Lebowski, or ve fuck you ups.

Walter Sobchak : Fuck you. Fuck the three of you.

The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter.

Walter Sobchak : No, without a hostage, there is no ransom. That's what ransom is. Those are the fucking rules.

Nihilist #2 : His girlfriend gave up her toe!

Nihilist #3 : She though we'd be getting million dollars!

Nihilist #2 : Iss not fair!

Walter Sobchak : Fair! WHO'S THE FUCKING NIHILIST HERE! WHAT ARE YOU, A BUNCH OF FUCKING CRYBABIES?

The Dude : Hey, cool it Walter. Look, pal, there never was any money. The big Lebowski gave me an empty briefcase, so take it up with him, man!

Walter Sobchak : And, I would like my undies back.

[Stunned, the Germans confer amongst themselves again] 

Donny : Are they gonna hurt us, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : No, Donny. These men are cowards.

Nihilist : Okay. So we take ze money you haf on you, und ve calls it eefen.

Walter Sobchak : Fuck you!

Walter Sobchak : Is this your homework, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude : Look, man...

Walter Sobchak : Dude, please? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude : Just ask him about the car.

Walter Sobchak : Is this yours, Larry? Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude : Is that your car out front?

Walter Sobchak : Is this your homework, Larry?

The Dude : We know it's his fucking homework! Where's the fucking money, you little brat?

Walter Sobchak : Look, Larry. Have you ever heard of Vietnam?

The Dude : Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter...

Walter Sobchak : You're entering a world of pain, son. We know that this is your homework. We know that you stole a car.

The Dude : And the fucking money.

Walter Sobchak : And the fucking money. And, we know that this is your homework.

The Dude : We're going to cut your dick off, Larry.

Walter Sobchak : You're killing your father, Larry!

Walter Sobchak : OVER THE LINE!

Smokey : Huh?

Walter Sobchak : I'm sorry, Smokey. You were over the line, that's a foul.

Smokey : Bullshit. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak : Uh, excuse me. Mark it zero. Next frame.

Smokey : Bullshit, Walter. Mark it 8, Dude.

Walter Sobchak : Smokey, this is not 'Nam. This is bowling. There are rules.

Walter Sobchak : When we make the handoff, I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! Huh?

The Dude : That's a great plan, Walter. That's fuckin' ingenious, if I understand it correctly. It's a Swiss fuckin' watch.

Walter Sobchak : Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. Nobody is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it.

The Dude : Thank you Walter, that makes me feel very secure, it makes me feel very warm inside.

Walter Sobchak : Look at our current situation with that camel fucker over in Iraq. Pacifism is not something to hide behind.

Donny : They posted the next round for the tournament.

Walter Sobchak : Donny, shut the f- when do we play?

[when making the payoff] 

The Dude : Dude.

Nihilist : [on the phone]  Who is this?

The Dude : Dude. The bag man, man. Where do you want us to go?

Nihilist : Us?

The Dude : [to Walter]  Shit!

[to Nihilist] 

The Dude : Uh. Yeah, uh. Me and, uh, the driver. I'm not handling the money, driving the car and talking on the phone all at the same time.

Nihilist : Shut the fuck up.

Walter Sobchak : Dude, are you fucking this up?

Nihilist : Who the fuck is that?

The Dude : That is the driver.

[Nihilist hangs up] 

The Dude : Shit! Walter, you fuck... you fucked it up! You fucked it up! Her life was in our hands, man!

Walter Sobchak : Nothing is fucked here, Dude. Come on, you're being very un-Dude. They'll call back.

Walter Sobchak : Really, Dude, you surprise me. They're not gonna kill shit, they're not gonna do shit. What can they do? They're a bunch of fuckin' amateurs, and meanwhile, look at the bottom line: Who's sittin' on a million fuckin' dollars? Am I wrong?

The Dude : Walter?

Walter Sobchak : Who's got a fuckin' million fuckin' dollars sittin' in the trunk of our car?

The Dude : Our car, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : And whadda they got? My dirty undies... My fucking whites...

[They walk out of the bowling alley and see the Dude's car gone. The portable phone starts ringing] 

Walter Sobchak : Say, dude. Where is your car?

Donny : Who's got your undies, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : Where's your car, dude?

The Dude : You don't know, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : [clears throat]  It was parked in a handicapped zone, perhaps they towed it.

The Dude : You fucking know its been stolen.

Walter Sobchak : Well, certainly that's a possibility, Dude.

The Dude : Oh fuck it.

[the Dude starts walking away] 

Donny : Where you going, Dude?

The Dude : I'm going home, Donny.

Donny : Phone's ringin', dude.

The Dude : Thank you, Donny.

[at the funeral parlor] 

Walter Sobchak : GOD DAMN IT! Look, just because we're bereaved, that doesn't make us saps!

The Big Lebowski : So she's back. No thanks to you.

The Dude : Where's the fucking money, Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak : A million bucks from fucking needy Little Urban Achievers! You are scum, man!

The Big Lebowski : Who the hell is he?

Walter Sobchak : Who am I? Who am I? I'm the guy who's gonna kick your phony goldbricking ass, that's who I am!

The Dude : Man, we know the briefcase was fucking empty. We know you kept the million bucks for yourself.

The Big Lebowski : You have your story, I have mine. I say that I entrusted the money to you and you stole it.

Walter Sobchak : As if we would ever dream of taking your bullshit money!

The Dude : You thought that Bunny had been kidnapped and you were fucking glad, man. You could use it as an excuse to make some money disappear. All you needed was a sap to pin it on. You'd just met me, you... you human paraquat! You thought, oh, here's a loser, you know, a deadbeat, someone the square community won't give a shit about...

The Big Lebowski : Well? Aren't you?

The Dude : [beat]  Well, yeah, but...

Walter Sobchak : Life does not stop and start at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit.

Donny : What's wrong with Walter, Dude?

Walter Sobchak : Those rich fucks! This whole fucking thing... I did not watch my buddies die face down in the muck so that this fucking strumpet...

The Dude : I don't see any connection to Vietnam, Walter.

Walter Sobchak : Well, there isn't a literal connection, Dude.

The Dude : Walter, face it, there isn't any connection.

The Dude : Fuckin' Quintana... that creep can roll, man.

Walter Sobchak : Yeah, but he's a pervert, Dude.

The Dude : Yeah.

Walter Sobchak : No, he's a sex offender. With a record. He served 6 months in Chino for exposing himself to an eight year old.

The Dude : Oh!

Walter Sobchak : When he moved to Hollywood he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast.

Donny : What's a... pederast, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : Nothing is fucked here Dude. Nothing is fucked. They're a bunch of fucking amateurs!

The Dude : Walter, would you just shut the fuck... don't say a peep while I'm doing business here, man!

Walter Sobchak : Okay Dude. Have it your way.

[the Dude answers the phone] 

Walter Sobchak : But they're amateurs.

The Dude : And, you know, he's got emotional problems, man.

Walter Sobchak : You mean... beyond pacifism?

Walter Sobchak : Fucking dipshit with a nine toed woman.

The Dude : Oh, fuck me, man! That kid already spent all the money, man!

Walter Sobchak : New 'Vette? Hardly, Dude. I'd say he's still got about $960 - $970,000 left, depending on the options.

The Dude : He's fragile!

Walter Sobchak : Well, I did not know that.

Walter Sobchak : The man in the black pajamas, Dude. Worthy fuckin' adversary.

Donny : Who's in pajamas Walter?

Walter Sobchak : Whereas what we have here? A bunch of fig-eaters wearing towels on their heads, trying to find reverse in a Soviet tank. This is not a worthy adversary.

Walter Sobchak : Your wheel! At fifteen m-p-h I roll out! I double back, grab one of 'em and beat it out of him! The uzi!

The Dude : Uzi?

Walter Sobchak : You didn't think I was rolling out of here naked!

The Dude : I mean we totally fucked it up man, we fucked up this payoff, we got the kidnappers all mad at us, and Lebowski, ya know, he yelled at me a lot but he didn't do anything, huh?

Walter Sobchak : Well, sometimes, it's a cathartic...

The Dude : No, I'm saying, if he knows I'm a fuck-up, why does he leave me in charge of getting his wife back? Because he doesn't fucking want her back! He no longer digs her, it's all a show! Ok, so then why doesn't he give a shit about his million bucks? I mean, he knows we never handed off the briefcase, but he never asked for it back. The million bucks was never in the briefcase! The asshole was hoping that they would kill her! You threw out a ringer for a ringer!

The Dude : Would you come off it Walter? You're not even fucking Jewish, man.

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about Dude?

The Dude : You're fucking Polish-Catholic!

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? I converted when I married Cynthia, Dude.

The Dude : Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

The Dude : ...And five fucking years ago you were divorced man!

Walter Sobchak : When you get a divorce you get a new license? You turn in your library card? You *stop* being Jewish?

Walter Sobchak : I'm more Jewish than Tevye!

Walter Sobchak : You're being very undude.

Walter Sobchak : That's not her toe, Dude.

The Dude : Then whose toe is it, Walter?

Walter Sobchak : How the fuck should I know?

The Dude : Hey, no, come on, Walter. We're ending this thing cheap, man.

Walter Sobchak : No, what's mine is mine.

Nihilist : No funny shtuff.

The Dude : Alright, alright, I've got four dollars, almost five...

Donny : Hey, I got eighteen dollars.

Walter Sobchak : What's mine is mine.

Nihilist : We fuck you ups, man. We takes the money.

Walter Sobchak : Come and get it.

[after biting the German's ear off] 

Walter Sobchak : Anti-semite!

Walter Sobchak : [asked to be quiet at the coffee house]  Excuse me, dear? The Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint!

The Dude : This isn't a First Amendment issue, man.

Walter Sobchak : Now so far, we have what appears to me to be a series of victimless crimes.

The Dude : What about the toe?

Walter Sobchak : Forget about the fucking toe!

Coffee Shop Waitress : Excuse me, sir. Could you please keep your voices down? This is a family restaurant.

Walter Sobchak : Oh please, dear? For your information, the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint.

Walter Sobchak : Fucking Germans. Nothing changes. Fucking Nazis.

Donny : They were Nazis, Dude?

Walter Sobchak : Oh, come on Donny, they were threatening castration! Are we gonna split hairs here? Am I wrong?

Walter Sobchak : Etz chaim he dude, as the ex used to say.

The Dude : What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fuck are we gonna tell Lebowski?

Walter Sobchak : Huh?

[blows out a cloud of smoke] 

Walter Sobchak : Oh, him! Er...

[mutters incoherently] 

Walter Sobchak : What exactly is the problem?

The Dude : Well, the problem is... W-what do you mean "what's the"... umph... Th-there was no... We d- we didn't eh... uhumph... They're gonna kill that poor woman! Man!

Walter Sobchak : What the fuck are you talking about? That poor woman... that poor SLUT kidnapped herself. Come on dude, you said so yourself.

The Dude : Man...! I said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself... YOU'RE the one who's so fucking certain!

Walter Sobchak : That's right dude. One hundred percent certain.

Walter Sobchak : Call the medics, Dude. I'd go myself but I'm pumping blood. Might pass out. Rest easy, good buddy, you're doing fine. We got help choppering in.

Walter Sobchak : The little prick is stonewalling me.

[Five minutes after pulling a gun on Smokey] 

Walter Sobchak : It's all water under the bridge.

Walter Sobchak : [TV Version]  Do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?

Walter Sobchak : You have got to buck up, man. You cannot drag this negative energy in to the tournament!

The Dude : Fuck the tournament... Fuck YOU, Walter!

[pause] 

Walter Sobchak : Fuck the tournament? All right, I can see you don't want to be cheered up here, Dude. Come on Donny, let's go get us a lane.

Walter Sobchak : I told that Kraut a fuckin' thousand times, I don't roll on shabbos!

Walter Sobchak : That's right, Dude, they peed on your fucking rug.

Walter Sobchak : You know, Dude, I myself dabbled in pacifism once. Not in 'Nam of course.

The Dude : Then you know he's got emotional problems, man.

Walter Sobchak : [Punching a nihilist]  Anti-semite!

Brandt : Who is this gentleman, Dude?

Walter Sobchak : Who am I? I'm a fucking Veteran, that's who I am!

Walter Sobchak : [author Arthur Sellars is lying quietly in his iron lung]  And a good day to you, sir!

Walter Sobchak : As if we would DREAM of taking your money!

Walter Sobchak : If you will it, it is no dream.

Walter Sobchak : Yeah, the beauty of this is its simplicity. If it gets complex, everything can go wrong.

Walter Sobchak : [On the phone]  I'm not even supposed to pick up the phone unless its an emergency.

The Dude : This is a fuckin' emergency!

Walter Sobchak : I understand. That's why I picked up the phone.

The Dude : Walter, you fuck! We gotta go to Pasadena, man! Come pick me up or I'm off the fuckin' bowling team!

The Dude : I only said I THOUGHT she kidnapped herself. You're the one who's so fucking certain!

Walter Sobchak : That's right, Dude. 100% certain.

Walter Sobchak : [looking at his hero writer Digby Sellers in an iron lung]  Does he still write?

Pilar, Sellers' Housekeeper : Oh no no, he has health problems.

[Throwing the Big Lebowski out of his wheelchair] 

Walter Sobchak : Achtung baby!

Walter Sobchak : Fifteen, Dude. This is it. Let's take that hill!

Walter Sobchak : Donny, who loved bowling.

Walter Sobchak : Its beauty lies in its simplicity.

Walter Sobchak : The situation with this Camelfucker in Iran...

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Actors : Jeff Bridges ( Jeffrey "The Dude" Lebowski ), John Goodman ( Walter Sobchak ), Julianne Moore ( Maude Lebowski )

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Is This Your Homework Larry? Lawrence Summers' Congressional Testimony on Derivatives

INTRODUCTION: In May 1998, the Commodities Futures Trading Commission, (CFTC), proposed regulating over-the-counter, (OTC), derivatives.  This modest proposal prompted an extraordinary reaction from Wall Street and the Clinton White House.  Within just two months a congressional hearing was scheduled to address the proposal.  President Clinton's Treasury Secretary - and former Goldman Sachs CEO - Robert Rubin, and his assistant, Lawrence Summers, immediately argued against the CFTC's proposal.  In the discussion below, excerpts of Summers' congressional testimony is reviewed. ( 1 )

Taking Summers at his word, a review of his testimony reveals Summers was completely ignorant of the enormous danger derivatives posed to the financial system.  Moreover, even with the benefit of knowing the enormous role derivatives played in the spectacular collapse of LTCM in October 1998, Summers never changed his mind on the wisdom of regulating derivatives.  The failure of Summers to learn the obvious lessons of LTCM's collapse is confirmed by the report he wrote for the President's Working Group on Financial Markets in November 1999.  In this report, Summers whitewashed the LTCM affair and recommended leaving derivatives unregulated.    Summers' failure to learn the obvious lessons provided by LTCM's collapse would then play a leading role in the 2008 financial crisis.  Indeed, derivatives were a larger source of losses in the 2008 crisis than mortgages going bad.

DISCUSSION: Below, are portions of Summers' July 1998 testimony to congress.  This testimony didn't age very well.

  • "We believe that the uncertainties created by the release posed risks to the American OTC derivatives market.  This is not a possibility to be taken lightly when one considers the critical importance of these activities to the growth and efficiency of our economy."  ( Comment : derivatives - like most of what passes for 'financial engineering' today - is parasitic to the nation's economy and contributes nothing to the generation of real wealth.)
  • "The OTC derivatives market is a vast, increasingly global industry.  By some estimates, the market now has a notional value of around $26-trillion, with contracts of more than $4-trillion undertaken in 1997 alone.  The dramatic growth of the market in recent years is testament not merely to the dynamics of modern financial markets, but to the benefits that derivatives provide for American businesses."   ( Comment : for some evidence of the self-evident absurdity of the derivative market at this time, US GDP in 1998 was just $9-trillion.  How could it make sense for the 'notional value' of derivatives contracts to be 200% larger than the US economy?  Well, it didn't make sense.) 
  • "By helping participants manage their risk exposures better and lower their financing costs, derivatives facilitate domestic and international commerce and support a more efficient allocation of capital across the economy...OTC derivatives directly and indirectly support higher investment and growth in living standards in the United States and around the world."  ( Comment : from the beginning, derivatives lacked transparency and parties to the same derivatives contract often disagreed wildly on the prevailing derivative price at any one time; hardly a hallmark of efficiency. ( 2 ))
  • "Any disruption to this market brings two potential costs.  First, it could inhibit the use of an important risk management tool, thus reducing the efficiency of our financial markets in channeling capital to its most effective use." ( Comment :  During the Global Financial Crisis, derivative products greatly increased systemic risk.  Far more money was lost in derivative products than in mortgages. ( 3 ))
  • "Treasury responded to the CFTC's concept release, because it poses risks to the continued strength and stability of the American OTC derivatives market."  (Comment: within ten years of Summers July 1998 testimony, derivatives would play a leading role in two enormous financial crashes - the collapse of LTCM in October 1998 and the September 2008 financial crisis.  So much for stability.)
  • Summers gave two reasons derivatives didn't need to be regulated; (i) the parties to derivatives contracts are sophisticated financial institutions that can look after their own interests, and (ii) derivative markets can't be manipulated.  (Comment: both reasons were proved wrong.  The collapse of LTCM and AIG both prompted Fed bailouts, and derivative markets have proven to be easily manipulated. ( 4 ))
  • "To date there has been no clear evidence of a need for additional regulation of the institutional OTC derivatives market, and we would submit that proponents of such regulation must bear the burden of demonstrating that need."  ( Comment : just two months after his testimony, the collapse of LTCM would prompt the Fed to organize a bailout and cut rates between regularly scheduled open market committee meetings.  By almost anyone's definition - but not Larry Summers' - LTCM's collapse was 'clear evidence' of the need for additional regulation.  In spite of this, Summers never revisited his position on derivatives.  In fact, when he prepared the official report on derivatives for the President's Working Group on Financial Markets, he completely whitewashed the LTCM affair.  The report which whitewashed the LTCM affair was also signed by Alan Greenspan of the Federal Reserve and Arthur Levitt of the SEC.  See Figure 1)

is this your homework larry

CONCLUDING REMARKS: Paul Volcker's insights into financial engineering products like derivatives provide an interesting contrast to those of Lawrence Summers.  While Summers is an indefatigable and uncritical supporter of complicated products like derivatives, ex-Fed chair Paul Volcker is deeply skeptical of them.  Evidence of this skepticism is provided by a speech he gave in December 2009 to the Wall Street Journal Future of Finance Initiative in the United Kingdom.  In this speech he said, "I was listening to this and found myself sitting next to one of the inventors of financial engineering who I did not know, but I knew who he was and that he had won a Nobel Prize, and I nudged him and asked what all the financial engineering does for the economy and what it does for productivity.  Much to my surprise he leaned over and whispered in my ear that it does nothing.  I asked him what it did do and he said that it moves around the rents in the financial system and besides that it was a lot of intellectual fun."  ( 5 )

As Paul Volcker makes clear, derivatives don't provide any of the efficiency or capital allocation benefits that Summers ascribes to them.  Summers' failure to see this obvious truth - even after the collapse of LTCM in 1998 - can only be described as willful.

Peter Schmidt September 05, 2021 Sugar Land, TX

PS - As always if you like what you read, please consider registering with the site.  It just takes an e-mail address, and I don't share this e-mail address with anyone.  The more people who register with the site, the better case I can make to a publisher to press on with publishing my book!  Registering with the site will give you access to the entire Confederacy of Dunces list as well as the Financial Crisis timeline.  Both of these are a treasure trove of information on the crisis and the long-running problems that led to it.

Help spread the word to anyone you know who might be interested in the site or my Twitter account.  I can be found Twitter @The92ers.

ENDNOTES: 1.  "Treasury Secretary Lawrence H. Summers Testimony Before the Senate Committee on Agriculture, Nutrition, and Forestry on the CFTC Concept Release," July 30, 1998 https://www.treasury.gov/press-center/press-releases/Pages/rr2616.aspx

2.  From the first, derivative products were controversial, even in the banking industry.  Many bankers expressed great concern about the risks that derivative products would introduce into the financial system.  In January 1992, Gerald Corrigan, the Governor of the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, cautioned Wall St. banks about the dangers of derivatives by telling them to 'take a very hard look at off-balance sheet activities' and later adding, 'I hope this sounds like a warning because it is.'  Later that year, in September, Allan Taylor, Chairman of the Royal Bank of Canada, likened the market for derivatives as a 'time bomb that could explode just like the Latin American debt crisis (LDC) did, threatening the world financial system."  Finally, Felix Rohatyn of Lazard Freres characterized the market for derivatives as "26-year olds with computers creating financial hydrogen bombs."

3. See Michael Lewis, The Big Short , Penguin Books, New York, 2010, p. 143; '...Now he (Steve Eisman) got it:  The credit default swaps, filtered through the CDOs, were being used to replicate bonds backed by actual home loan loans.  " There weren't enough Americans with shitty credit taking out loans to satisfy investors' appetite for the end product...'They (Wall Street) weren't satisfied getting lots of unqualified borrowers to borrow money to buy a house they couldn't afford.  They were creating them out of whole cloth - one-hundred times over!  That's why the losses in the financial system are so much greater than just the subprime loans."'  

4.  John Meriwether was the managing partner of LTCM.  After it collapsed he ruefully remarked, "A hurricane is not more or less likely to occur because hurricane insurance has been written.  In financial markets this is not true.  The more people write hurricane insurance the more likely it is that the disaster will happen because the people who know you have sold the insurance can make it happen."  (See James Grant, Mr, Market Miscalculates , Axios Press, Mount Jackson, VA, 2008, p. 348)

5.  "The Only Thing Useful Banks Have Invented in 20-Years is the ATM," New York Post, December 13, 2009 https://nypost.com/2009/12/13/the-only-thing-useful-banks-have-invented-in-20-years-is-the-atm/

View the discussion thread.

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  • "I Should Explain to You Exactly What it is I Do;" Electricity has a 'Sit-down' with Politicians
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The Best Laughs on ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ Have Always Been Larry’s Own

For almost 25 years, Larry David has charmed us with his knowing mischief and endearing jolliness.

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A photo illustration of Larry David laughing.

By M.D. Rodrigues

As the creator and star of “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” Larry David has been ambling in and out of view for almost 25 years, playing a version of himself whose odyssey is now winding to a close: This month, the show began its 12th and final season, concluding a run that started in the last days of the Clinton administration. David has also, in a more colloquial sense, played himself. “Curb” sends up his celebrity, rendering him a tetchy caricature whose showbiz success has granted him time enough at last to enjoy the pettier things in life. This “Larry” is a gadfly who goads others, and himself, into fits of rancor. Yet he’s also gregarious, the type for whom every car ride is an occasion to discuss, say, the serenity of gardeners or a possible link between the words “yoga” and “yogurt.” In “Curb,” discomfort has always been made tolerable by such frivolity, and by the knowing mischief of David’s performance. At its heart is the signature of David’s screen persona: his own irrepressible laughter.

“I am laughing constantly when we’re shooting,” David once said in an interview with the journalist Bill Carter. He extemporizes a lot too: The actors on “Curb” largely improvise their way through scenes, following basic outlines. This accounts for the show’s charming strangeness, its relaxed approach to dialogue and narrative incident. As one of the show’s executive producers, Jeff Schaffer, recently explained, David “wants to be surprised” while filming — and if his reactions “seem like real laughs, they’re real laughs, because Larry’s hearing it for the first time, too.”

In other shows, these moments might constitute “breaking,” disruptions to the reality of the scene that are usually edited out. On “Curb,” too, many of David’s reactions have become outtakes. But some remain in the show itself, roiling its mixture of absurdities and half-truths. There is an artful, unstudied naturalism to David’s acting, which makes the boundaries between real laughs and stylized ones elusive. The viewer looks for a telltale sign, some jolt of spontaneity — which is just what David’s most authentic laughs provide. At such moments he’s still Larry David, tactless noter of peccadilloes. But you can also detect an overlapping spectacle: Larry David himself, openly appreciating the comedic inventions of his scene partners. Or even, sometimes, his own. In Season 4, we watch him rehearse how he might request some baseball tickets from a friend whose father recently passed away. “I know you’re still in mourning,” he begins — but he’s quickly cut off by the familiar sound of his own chortling, a kind of protracted, gut-punch wheeze.

His biggest reactions combine the toothy luster of dentistry ads with the unstoppable giddiness common to pot-addled youths. The only inducement he needs is a bit of banter. In Season 7, Jerry Seinfeld, with whom David famously created a hit sitcom, guest-stars as himself. After overhearing the clamor of David’s urination, a baffled Seinfeld registers his astonishment: “I’ve never heard a — a stream like that.” David’s response: an eruption of hearty, jaw-trembling laughter. His laughter is so robust, so distinct, that other stars trade stories and impressions. “He laughs so hard at stuff,” the actor Bill Hader once marveled on Conan O’Brien’s podcast . “Like if you just started yanking on the cord of a ventriloquist dummy, up and down,” O’Brien replied. “That’s his laugh.”

The same endearing jolliness distinguished “Seinfeld.” In his own self-performance, Seinfeld often seemed delighted by his colleagues, and by the ridiculous opportunities the show afforded its cast. He made many scenes funnier simply by acknowledging their silliness. In one episode, he cannot keep a straight face while being scolded by an improbably intense “library investigations officer.” Nor can he hide his smile in “The Diplomat’s Club” as his supposedly harried character announces that he is “freaking out.” There’s a difference between a thoughtfully airy performance and a carelessly bad one, and in both “Curb” and “Seinfeld,” a measure of informality becomes something felicitous. Each show offers up endless varieties of pique and mendacity — all of which you learn to laugh off. Seinfeld and David do not anchor their shows so much as cut the ropes and let them drift free.

You learn other things too. David’s improvisatory approach has generated a real bounty of diaristic non sequiturs — some of which, interestingly, reveal a fascination with acting itself, especially performances from midcentury American cinema. There’s a moment in the 2013 film “Clear History” — a “Curb”-esque project starring David — in which he suddenly imitates Lee J. Cobb in “On the Waterfront” (1954). “Curb” episodes echo David’s real-life fondness for the Turner Classic Movies channel: We see the show’s Larry watching films like “Penny Serenade” (1941) and “Meet John Doe” (1941). In Season 11, he gives his rapt attention to “The Woman in Green” (1945) while compulsively mimicking its line deliveries: “Steady, inspector, steady, … ” he says, parroting Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes. In Season 9, commenting on subpar tap water, he slips into a credible Humphrey Bogart impression.

It’s an apt pairing. “I can’t even get in a mild discussion without turning it into an argument,” Bogart reportedly complained. “There must be something in my tone of voice.” He turned this offscreen lament into an onscreen attraction, cultivating an appealingly hard-boiled image. David has managed a comparable feat: He has wrested, from his most unsociable thoughts, a persona that is at once dyspeptic and lighthearted.

It speaks to his skill as an actor and his command of contrary moods. David may adopt a lackadaisical manner in interviews, but there is real variety and experimentation in his work. “The Black Swan,” a standout “Curb” episode from 2009, is enlivened by the seriocomic expressions he dredges up while balefully raising a knife and ordering a tablemate to keep quiet about a golf-course scuffle. In that same year, he starred in the film “Whatever Works,” heeding a script’s limits while pushing his own: He was believably crestfallen in a third-act breakup scene, and convincing as his character recovered from a late-night panic attack (with some help from a Fred Astaire movie).

Such praise might elicit from David a moue of displeasure. He embraces the history of acting, but he also satirizes the profession. Many “Curb” story lines focus on the careerism, hubris and onstage failures of actors. In one episode, he observes a book titled “Acting Without Acting” and remarks, with mock reverence, “Ah, the actor prepares.” In another, he grows impatient with a long, polemical award-acceptance speech. “It’s just an Oscar. It’s not the Nobel Peace Prize,” he says. “You know what my speech would be?” he asks. “I wanna thank the Academy, and don’t allow babies on planes. Goodnight.”

Perhaps it’s fitting that the show’s final season premiered amid Hollywood’s awards season. It’s a time of year when behind-the-scenes accounts of actorly exertion abound. But isn’t acting often as much about mirth as methodology? Daniel Day-Lewis long ago made that point in an interview: “I play,” he insisted. “I see it as a game, and I think most of the people I work with see it as a game.” He and David are masters of very different domains, but each finds in his work a kind of recreation. Performing, they suggest, can be its own autotelic thrill, not a one-way transmission aimed at audiences or award givers. For David, acting seems to be both vocation and lark, and his gales of laughter blow back the curtain between the two. “Curb” is a chronicle of complaint — but it flickers, here and there, into the tale of a man relishing good company.

Source for photo illustration above: HBO/Photofest; Vera Anderson/WireImage, via Getty Images.

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    Within just two months a congressional hearing was scheduled to address the proposal. President Clinton's Treasury Secretary - and former Goldman Sachs CEO - Robert Rubin, and his assistant, Lawrence Summers, immediately argued against the CFTC's proposal. In the discussion below, excerpts of Summers' congressional testimony is reviewed.

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  24. The Best Laughs on 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' Have Always Been Larry's Own

    For almost 25 years, Larry David has charmed us with his knowing mischief and endearing jolliness. By M.D. Rodrigues As the creator and star of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," Larry David has been ...